Collaborative Discipline in Action
Watch as Birdie and I turn a ‘no way’ diaper change into an ‘okay’ celebration!
Step 1: Connect
Before we can ask a toddler to cooperate, we have to connect.
In this moment, I’m not trying to convince Birdie to get her diaper changed. I’m joining her where she is, acknowledging what she’s communicating, and letting her know: I’m with you and we will solve this together.
Step 2: Communicate
Clearly stating and restating boundaries as choices allows toddlers to feel safe to make one. Notice how Birdie tests my boundaries with her actions and I respond calmly but firmly with my two positive choice strategy.
Step 3: Collaborate
Now we can start solving the problem together. Instead of telling Birdie what to do, I invite her into the process using intentional language like “show me” to help her move her body willingly because toddlers are more willing to cooperate if they know they have a voice in how it happens.
Step 4: Compromise
With toddlers the ultimate goal is to avoid the dreaded power struggle! Collaboration doesn't always mean we get exactly what we want. Sometimes we need to find a middle ground. That’s the definition of a compromise: some of what you want and some of what they want!
The Bonus Step: Celebrate!
Listen for how I thank Birdie and show her gratitude, not because she finally “obeyed”, but in celebration that we solved our problem together. This reframe matters. Celebration reinforces the relationship, the effort, and Birdie’s growing belief that she can work through hard things (aka: things she doesn’t want to do, but has to) with a trusted adult.
Watch how we work toward a solution that honors Birdie’s need for autonomy while still getting the diaper changed.
Watch the videos in order and listen to how I choose my words to align with each step of the process.
Connect → Communicate → Collaborate → Compromise → Celebrate!
Ready for real-life toddler cooperation like this?
This is just one of hundreds of real-life interactions I have ready to share with you inside The Toddler Tribe.
And yes… the audio gets better. 😂
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